brain implosion

I didnt know this, but the average Taiwanese "worker" is passive, slow, and not terribly ambitious. say what you will about american arrogance, at least things get done, or people get sued. i sound like a self-loathing asian, but i'm really not. i dont think americans know how to get things done at all, but compared to taiwanese folk...Man. Maybe it's an LA thing, i'm not sure. maybe i've lived in too many cities in my life, and i'm used to dealing with faster pacing.

anyway. it's very very frustrating to be a director here in taipei. i feel as if i am from a different planet, often. i really dont know how i'm going to speak with actors when the time comes.

god dam, i'm really worried about casting actors. goddamn it.

creative liberties

i spend a lot of time online and hanging out in my room. i'm supposed to be cooking up some grand cinematic moment for my film, but instead it feels like college all over again.

in reality, this thing either makes or breaks my career and my health is rapidly declining. 31 is not really the new 25.

why are producers retarded? why is everyone in taipei so unmotivated? if the united states is filled with tantrum throwing divas, then taipei is filled with a lot of thumbsucking wallflowers. i should have picked a producer who is tantrum throwing, but competent--because at least i know how to throw down like the best of them. in taipei, i flash some attitude and suddenly they disappear like snails and i get popped with prickly im sessions.

my story is there. my structure is there. i got a lot of help from a beloved collaborator, but something of myself is still missing. it is not "movie worthy" enough of a script yet.

i havent seen anything in a theater since i left los angeles. i havent seen anything since jan or feb, i think. not in a theater at least. maybe i'll go see "inside man" tonight. mr. lee always cheers me up. if an angry, tantrum throwing, outsider can make a straight-up, bad ass, hollywood caper in this day and age, perhaps i have a little hope.

somebody give me a splendourous moment.

sunday

if you're smart, you'll find me here.
here are the top five and bottom five.

TOP
1. "...splendour..."
2. collaborators and believers
3. solitude
4. independent A/C units
5. Teresa Deng

BOTTOM
1. haters and sabotuers
2. taipei weather
3. asian style passive aggressive
non-confrontational confrontations.
4. diabetes
5. unreliable men.

top of the list:
1. punked up burberry dresses
2. 4th Grade!
3. newland archer
4. my girlfriends
5. tour guides

bottom of the list:
1. los angeles
2. men
3. corporate crap
4. email laggers
5. tour groups

top of the list:
1. henry james
2. self-punishing gym moves
3. foreign movies w/ or w/o english subtitles
4. mellow alt.country chanteuses
5. unrealistic expectations

bottom of the list:
1. scavenging corporate crap
2. writer's block
3. schmoozing
4. financial solvency
5. neglected responsibiiities